Claim it.

Not disappearing behind the title "mom" is hard. My first pregnancy changed every single facet of my life. I was a college student in my senior year getting my bachelors of fine arts in a really great city with countless opportunities to be a working artist unfolding before me. I was also in a highly toxic and abusive relationship that had't quite revealed how bad it was. I lived in a rental house with friends with a good job far from family. When well... these two little lives began growing... I felt like I lost it all. I left my job and my school and my house and my city and moved home with my parents to start from scratch with nothing but two babies that needed me for everything and a looming pile of debt from said relationship. For a long time I never touched anything creative, and I mean the first few years. I did finish my BFA the fist few months the twins were here which .... let's not do that again. And then I got so wrapped up in trying to be the best 'mom' I could be that I let go of everything else that made me who I was.

My life is worlds different now. I have two 4 almost 5 year olds that are no longer helpless little things. I live in a beautiful home my husband and I have made for our family. My relationships are healthy and fulfilling. I have two amazing jobs that provide both security and a creative outlet. Being pregnant again has brought back all kinds of emotions with a side of PTSD that its just all going to fall apart again. I'm done letting fear drive me. I'm claiming that this baby, this new precious life coming into the world will grow me, not break me. I am going to create more, love more, be a better mom than I ever have been because I will be more whole and have more to give to these 3 little boys that look to me for everything. I am claiming that I will not loose myself, but rather learn more about myself and what I am capable of as a woman and mother and artist.

Don't let fear run you. Claim it. Own your life. And please, cut out any people that are little more than toxic rot pulling you down. It's life changing.